Hello

That’s what I’ve been telling myself constantly lately- that and ‘I won’t cry about money’.

It was something one of my friends said, in an email or something, and when I looked it up (eventually found on her blog) to quote it directly it was not that at all, it was much more eloquent:
‘It always amazes me how much your state of mind affects everything – hard things are easy when you are relaxed and happy’.

This is one of the rare times when I think, Arrgh, the people were right, life DOES get harder when you leave home/leave school. Because it’s all been ripping at the seams lately, even when I work ridiculous hours commuting to the stupidest most far away places, I still only have enough to meet ends some weeks. But then I start thinking about how things were when I was  at school, and if I really think about it- this is all easy compared to that. I’d rather be losing hundreds of pounds, getting robbed, getting conned (long boring stories, but it’s happened),  than have all the responsibility of being at home, and at school. Every day was some new issue, something serious and horrible. I don’t know why, or how, but when I left school, things got cruisy. And I wonder if things only become harder when you get older (theoretically) because people want them to, and bring it upon themselves with mortgages and credit cards, children, property, marriage. The whole package you’re supposed to buy into. And then I wonder if that’s just me avoiding ‘real life’.

I don’t think I want real life. Quite content with my joke of a life.

Was emailing my Ma, as I do, telling her about my plans for summer and contrastingly, my lack of money, and how I had no idea how the two were really going to go, and this came out:
”hmm.. I can’t wait, but at the same time I’m completely overwhelmed and terrified. Somehow I’m still much more in my comfort zone that I was at home.. er… or maybe I just don’t really like my comfort zone. I find it depressing. Ha”

It’s exactly a year (well, not to the day, but) since I left home now. That means Awaroa is already about 8 months ago, and I’ve been here.. 7 months. Ugh, that means my once-in-a-lifetime Visa is running out. And you know? I don’t want to leave. Need to find a Scotsman to marry, quick! (er, just for the passport, like. none of that wedding nonsense, mind)